Mind Shifts: My Personal Transformation Journey Through Addiction and Weight Loss Surgery to Recovery.
- Sonia McIndoe
- 1 day ago
- 7 min read
There’s a moment where everything starts to "shift". Not overnight, not perfectly, but in a way that finally feels possible.
This is what that mind shift and personal transformation looked like for me in reality.
I was 20 when I first went looking for help. I found a psychologist… to help me fix my parents. Oh dear. I can only imagine what she must have thought. But even then, something in me knew I was struggling. I just didn’t understand what or why. So, I kept looking outside myself for answers, without realising the work was always going to have to come back to me.
Alcohol Addiction
I started regular therapy in Australia while I was doing my postgraduate diploma in Oenology (that’s wine and winemaking). By then, my depression was overwhelming and my drinking was completely out of control.
I went looking for acceptance and belonging in all the wrong places - alcohol, food, people - anything that would make me feel OK, even if it only worked temporarily. And when it stopped working, I would double down. More drinking, more control, more extremes.
There was a horrific overseas trip to the States. I was lucky to make it home alive. That should have been enough, but it wasn’t. Because when you don’t understand what’s driving your behaviour, you don’t change it - you repeat it. So, I continued to self-sabotage with excessive drinking, bizarre diets, and extreme exercise regimes, hating myself more and more as the evidence built up in my mind that I was a lost cause.
Becoming a winemaker gave me an excuse to drink. On the surface, it made sense, but deep down I knew I had a very serious problem. There was always a part of me that knew what I was doing wasn’t sustainable. I am ashamed to admit, but I was charged twice for drunk driving, but I didn’t yet know how to do anything differently.
My now-husband came back into my life after this time. Without his love, and the ongoing therapy I had with psychologists, coaches, and mentors… I honestly don’t know how we made it through these mind shifts and personal transformation - or how he put up with me, but I’m so grateful he did. We got married and moved to Wellington, but the drinking didn’t stop. The dieting and the eating got worse, because changing your environment doesn’t change your wiring.
I tried AA, but I couldn’t find a group I felt comfortable in. Looking back, that had more to do with me than anything else, because I wasn’t comfortable with myself in any way, shape, or form. So even in spaces that were meant to support me, I still felt like I didn’t belong.
After three years of weekly counselling through drug and alcohol services, I finally went to rehab. I only went because it was my last chance to do the Hamner programme as outreach, as the Wellington centre was closing. Even then, I was still determined to “master” my drinking, still adamant I could control it. After all, I was a winemaker. I couldn’t possibly be expected to give it up completely…
It didn’t take long to realise I was as much an alcoholic as everyone else in that group. That was confronting, but also necessary, because recovery doesn’t begin until the denial softens. Those three months were, and still are, the hardest of my life.
Sobriety
"I found out I was pregnant with my daughter during that time, and something shifted. Not perfectly, but enough. Enough for me to choose differently. I left rehab sober, and I’ve been sober ever since.
I was formally diagnosed with depression and anxiety in rehab, and I’ve been on medication ever since. I’ve tried a few times to come off, but it’s ended in a train wreck every time, so I stopped fighting that. I had to change medications a few times to find one that works for me, and apart from the low libido - which is a whole other story. I’ve accepted I need it and the stability of my mood gave me something I hadn’t had before, a foundation to start rebuilding from… It was a bumpy ride for a few years yet though.
Food addiction
When alcohol left, food stepped in. Same pattern, different outlet.
My weight ballooned, I had no energy.
Any chance I got, I went to bed. The kids used to call me an owl because I slept during the day, but the truth was it wasn’t just the weight or the sugar crashes - it was depression.
I would sleep during the day and lie awake at night. Insomnia became my normal and at night I’d eat. Secretly, I thought, but the disappearing food was obvious.
That’s when it really started to click for me - this wasn’t about willpower, it was about what I was trying to soothe.
Exercise addiction
I desperately tried to get addicted to exercise. I felt like I could get addicted to anything, so I thought maybe I could make that work for me. I walked two half marathons as a plus-sized woman.
The crowds cheering me on… I thought they were like that for everyone, but a friend told me recently it was because I was the “fat girl” coming last.
I didn’t lose a single kilo that year, not one, despite training consistently. I felt exercise and my body let me down again. At that point, I pretty much had to starve myself to lose anything.
" I could lose about 10 kilos max, and then I’d crash, and it would all come flooding back on, plus interest. That only reinforced the belief that I was the problem."
Eventually, I gave up. I had resigned myself to the usual co-morbidities and dying young. That’s where my thinking had taken me.
Weight loss surgery
Weight loss surgery was my last ditch attempt. If I’m honest, I didn’t expect it to work. My surgeon believed it would, but what he said to me changed everything: “I promise the surgery will help you lose the weight, but keeping it off - that’s on you.”
That landed, because for the first time, it wasn’t about another plan or being “fixed.” It was about me learning how to live differently.
I realised I had a second chance at life - and I was grabbing it with both hands.
So from that moment on, I started researching, learning, and trying to understand why I had struggled for so long. Not just what to do, but why I couldn’t seem to do it consistently.
This is where the real shift happened.
My years of therapy and counselling became my biggest asset, because the work for overcoming my relationship with food was no different than becoming sober. It wasn’t about stopping, it was about understanding.
It became a journey of self-awareness, self-forgiveness, and self-care replacing self-sabotage, with tools and strategies that were actually workable at each stage. Not perfect, but doable.
Beautiful souls continually came into my life, people who cared about me and loved me for me. I carry a little of each of them with me every day. Even now, I’m still meeting women who become close, deep, real friends, and no matter how long we walk side by side, their friendship means so much to me. Connection became part of my recovery.
Mind Mastery
Eventually, I decided to become a life coach, originally for personal development and to equip me to coach the women I was already working with, never intending to actually work as one. But it evolved into me becoming the coach, mentor, and friend I wish I’d had much earlier on my journey.
I live my work every single day. I’ve had significant regain… 8 to 15 kilos - four times since surgery, and each time I come back. Not to punishment or extremes, but back to awareness, back to the tools, back to myself.
Life now is very different. I’m no longer living in chaos or survival. I’m living in what I call freedom and mastery, where I trust myself, where I understand myself, and I can honestly say I truly love myself.
It was never about eating less and moving more. It was about learning how to work with my mind, my body, and my nervous system, not against them.
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If you see yourself in this story… you’re not alone.
And you don’t have to keep trying to figure it out on your own.
If you’re ready to understand your patterns and start creating real change, come and join me inside my Mind Empowerment Programme, or reach out for a conversation.
Join me for a free webinar!
So, I’ll leave you with a warm invitation to my 8 Fundamentals FREE webinar where I share my daily to-do list and how I actually manage my bariatric journey day by day. It’s in an ‘hour of power’ where I squeeze a lot of valuable information for you into the 60 minutes on Zoom - totally for free. Ready for more? Let's do the groundwork together in small group coaching via Zoom, so you can join from anywhere in New Zealand.
About Sonia McIndoe
Hi! I'm Sonia, a NZ Bariatric Life Coach, who has had weight loss surgery and maintained a 70kg weight loss for over a decade.I walk the walk and have dealt with my own regain by continuing to use and hone my own fundamentals and strategies, which I share with you. Like you, I struggled with my weight...
I actually struggled with my weight my entire life. At 5 years of age my ballet teacher told me “I danced like a baby elephant”. I yo-yo dieted my way to a body I loathed and had given up on. Food was my friend - but it was a love/hate relationship. In many ways it saved me, but it was also slowly killing me.
I wasn’t convinced even Weight Loss Surgery would work for me … why would it when nothing else had!
More than 10 years post Weight Loss Surgery later and still several dress sizes smaller, I am the happiest I have ever been.
You can have the success you dream of too. I am so passionate about sharing how, that I work full time as a Bariatric Coach.
I credit my Weight Loss Surgery with my 70kg weight loss, but keeping it off, I credit to doing the mind work. It’s this mind work that I teach in my Mind Empowerment coaching programmes.
